-Imaginary fans stage strike-

LSE 6th team football star JB's legion of nonexistent fans today stormed the offices of SDRR, demanding a written apology from the head reporter and a retraction of an earlier article, in which he labelled the footballer 'a shadow of his former self', among other things.

When interviewed, the 20-year-old had only words of encouragement for his fans.
"I'm very flattered by this outpouring of emotion from my fans and thank them for their adulation and support. Clearly they have taken heed of my policies of violence, intolerance and nonpacifism. It really fills my heart with joy and warmth. I hope they continue to worship me, and cheer me on as I beat the crap out of my opponents on the pitch. Literally."