- You're playing like KFC -

As is my nature, I have managed to sneak little puns (mostly unwelcome) into the emails I've sent to my football team over the past year, warranting requests that I work for the makers of carambar, a French sweet which has jokes on its wrapping paper.

To your chagrin, here's a sample.

Before our outing to Poland: "Poland may have been through many battles in its time, but I don't care what the War Saw. Let's get properly pissed and -polish- up the ladies."

Also: "Yeah my mate asked me if I wanted to go do something next Wednesday cos it's the end of term. I told him I Warsaw-ry but I'd be in Poland."

After missing one match: " I'm coming Right Back on to the scene."