- Time to invest in R&D -

reticence and detachment.

It wouldn't be wrong to say it probably began with Miss K's story-telling session, which was at once painful, yet liberating (as I was told). For some reason it was with considerable distress that I listened as she regaled us with excruciating anecdotes from her past, but it all got me thinking -- it was foolish of me to empathise as I did with some of the central characters in her tale, when firstly I'd never met them and they don't have an effect on my life at all, though listening to them being described as 'incompetent losers' did hurt, possibly because the person who identified them as so (Miss Hard Rain Taxi Flag) decided that it was because I could relate to them. And secondly it's all nothing more than part of this cruel game anyway, the game which henceforth I need to play better.
Detachment, it seems, is one of the most marketable commodities on the forum of interactions, while being too emotional, just like being decent, gets you nowhere.

A further conclusion (resolution, perhaps?) formed that night was to exercise taciturnity, with particular regard to that which could reveal too much of my thoughts. It appears I've been divulging too much, when all the victors of the game have been loath to tell too many people too much, or anything in the first place.

reticence and detachment.

Yet another appraisal of my persona brought up the same old platitudes, though with one or two interesting new insights. I was, and not for the first time, deemed dark. But there was more this time. I'm too observant and sensitive, and have a knack of cross-analysing everything, every little gesture -- in short, I think too much, when I really ought to live more.

reticence and detachment.

And then that latest Friendster testimonial further contributed to the mood I've had over the past couple of days that someone described as du lan. The honest son-in-law -- an ironic throwback to what my own mum once told me.
Been thinking so much, but saying little.

reticence and detachment.

I'll get a wicked haircut and wear nice expensive clothes and spray on the cologne
I'll go to clubs more and drink more and dance more
I'll be devoid of all emotion in my dealings with you, I'll open the car door for you but leave you at the club after the party
I'll say nice sweet things to you I don't mean at all (ok, wait, this I'll have to practise first)
It seems this sort of behaviour is accepted, even preferred -- so who knows, it might help me get by better
But would that be me? t w i s t e d.

Rejection of ideologies does not mean having no ideals.

Fortune cookie message of the day: Confucius say, You will have success in everything you do next Saturday (ok, I added in the Confucius say myself, but wonder what the rest of it means. hmm)