- Augustana: "Boston" -

In the light of the sun, is there anyone? Oh it has begun...
Oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,
This world you must've crossed... you said...

You don't know me, you don't even care,
She said
You don't know me, you don't wear my chains...

Essential yet appealed, carry all your thoughts across
An open field,
When flowers gaze at you... they're not the only ones who cry
When they see you
You said...

You don't know me, you don't even care,
She said
You don't know me, you don't wear my chains...

She said I think I'll go to Boston...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly em out to Spain...
I think I'll go to Boston,I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice...

Boston... where no one knows my name...

- Shiny happy people -

Men Are Just Happier People. What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

- Federer and his White Whale -

When Roger Federer started playing tennis as a 19-year-old in 2003, he was an absolute novice to the game, an utter rookie. He'd never held a racket before, let alone played a full game of tennis -- to tell the truth, he had nothing but the will to succeed that is the hallmark of champions. Armed with no more than pure grit and dogged determination, Federer set out into the tennis world.

As one could reasonably expect, he was massacred initially and made a mockery of in his first few months as a pro, as critics wrote him off as just another wannabe tennis star.

Federer never gave up; with every defeat, he learnt new skills and strategies. He watched videos of opponents, clocked hours and hours of daily training, and went on a strict fitness regime. A quick learner, he quickly went from strength to strength, and people began to sit up and notice.

Remarkably, Federer won the Australian Open, French Open, Wimbledon and US Open titles in his debut year, a feat that allowed him to join the ranks of the elite few players who captured the Grand Slam as rookies.

Roger Federer had arrived, and in spectacular fashion.

In his second year on tour, Federer further cemented his status as the best in the business; en route to capturing all 4 Grand Slam titles in his second straight season, he cast all that dared stand in his way by the wayside with consummate ease. In doing so, he secured himself a place in the illustrious Tennis Hall of Fame, and a reputation as the most feared player on the tennis circuit.

Federer was brimming with confidence as he approached his 3rd year, in 2006. Having earned himself a place in the Hall of Fame, the weight of expectations were off his shoulders; he could now simply enjoy his tennis as he'd wanted to in the first place.

The cracks in the wall began to appear in the first Grand Slam tournament of the year. He seemed to rush his shots in the Rod Laver Arena, although he still went on to clinch the Australian Open.

By the time the French Open came round the corner, it was clear that Federer was a shade of his usual self. Panting and wheezing, he sputtered to a narrow a win at Roland Garros, keeping him on track to going down in history as one of the sport's true greats.

And then the inevitable happened. In the third Grand Slam tournament of the year, Federer was stretched to the limit. Despite a good build up to the final, he lost in straight sets on Centre Court to German Fabian Pischke, 6-8, 6-8, 6-8 (6/8). And while he swept away his opponent in the final of the US Open at the Arthur Ashe Stadium 6-0, 6-0, 6-0, his streak had been broken. He was no longer the best. Gone were the bragging rights. Gone were the accolades. Gone was the enjoyment he used to derive from tennis.

Admitted a less-than-satisfied Federer afterward: "When I started playing tennis in 2003, I was merely hoping they'd smash the ball and not me. I wasn't even thinking about playing in the Grand Slam tournaments, much less winning one, but then one thing led to another, and you know what they say, The Rolling Stones don't catch no Kate Moss, no? And then I got a bit of success, and it boosted my confidence, and I just kept doing my thing, working hard and playing my game. I knew it was always going to be up to me to screw up, rather than someone else being to strong for me. I knew 2005 would be an important year for me, but a really really tough one. Then I won another 4 Grand Slams and got into the Hall of Fame, then I took my foot off the gas a bit and people stopped calling me a Swiss banker, or something that sounded like that. After that I told myself to just enjoy my tennis and see what happened since it wouldn't really matter that much anymore, I'd already achieved more than I'd ever dreamed of. But people say one thing and then do another. I thought I'd go all the way this year again but you saw what happened in Centre Court, and even though it really doesn't mean that much, frankly I'm gutted. It's like a fly pissing in your swimming pool, you know? Everything is blue except one spot, which is yellow, or whatever is the colour of fly-piss."

- Why Volkswagen's sales have dipped -

The Volkswagen production plant in Munich was abuzz with excitement. For years, the giant car manufacturer had been torn apart by an internal rift, as disgruntled workers had pledged allegiance to two camps.

In one corner was the team that preferred to base their cars on solid foundations and work from there. Led by a bald, able, stout worker they called Il Capitano, they regularly showed up for work in blue, and were known for this reason as the Azzurri. They made sturdy, reliable cars, but were widely criticised in the media for lacking the finishing touch, that special bit of magic at the end of the assembly line that would kill off competitors' cars.

The other conveyor belt was made up of proud, haughty workers who prided themselves in building their cars with flair and passion. They were commandeered by a bald, able veteran who specialised in the engine, and who had come to be known affectionately as Le Capitane. The man was getting on in years, and to the dismay of his loyal colleagues, he had decided he'd had enough, and today would be his last day at work. Despite the other workers' desperate pleas for him to stay on in his role, he'd chosen to pack it all in, insisiting, "Zis is ze lass day for me. After zis eet ees le finished. I am Ze Over. I am Ze Done!" And indeed he was.

This camp had a brilliant worker at the end of the line who was always ready to do the final wax and buff for the car, to give it that lustre and polish every flash car deserves, that magical finish. And yet he was always eager to push forward before his coworkers could build up the car completely. This team often came to work in blue as well, and were known as Les Bleus.

Today, it was time to see which team would dominate the car-manufacturing industry. It was the day the whole car-watching world had been waiting on tenterhooks for. Le Grande Finale.
The rules were simple: they were to build as many cars as they could within a period of time.
The moment finally came when the umpire blew his whistle, and they were off: both teams frenetically piecing together the parts, Il Capitano leading by example with strong workmanship at the back, Le Capitane magically putting together pieces by himself and making through passes to his frontmen. And then, like a bolt from the blue, Les Bleus drew first blood. Voiture Une, Car One, was complete.

Not to be outdone, the Azzurri pressed on and were quickly rewarded when their first car was completed 10 minutes later.
At the end of the time period, there was little to separate the two sides, and it was decided that the two teams would have a further 30 minutes to prove their worth.
Battle-weary and exhausted, the 2 teams soldiered on, until, in a moment of madness, Le Capitane could take it no more. Frustrated by the way things were shaping up, he smashed his head against an engine; the blood that splurted from his head was pure red. And just like that, Le Capitane drew an ignominious close to an illustrious career.

Oh, and the Azzurri won eventually. But who cares about that bit.

- Ah, settle down already -

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "In-laws."

"Cash, cheque card or charge-card?" I asked, after folding up the items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "Do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax pour it onto your thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men." The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.......... "HEBREWS"

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

- Everything you didn't need to know and never bothered finding out -

. In the 1400's a law was set forth that a man was not allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of thumb".
. Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.
. The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV was Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
. Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.
. Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.
. Coca-Cola was originally green.
. It is impossible to lick your elbow.
. The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000
. Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
. The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer
. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king in history: Spades - King David Hearts - Charlemagne Clubs -Alexander, the Great Diamonds - Julius Caesar
. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
. If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
. Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"?
A. One thousand

. Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil? A. Honey

. In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... "goodnight, sleep tight."
. It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.
. In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them "Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down." It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"
. Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.