-Disclaimer: Potentially offensive material soon to be revealed. Actually, that's just the bits we were allowed to publish. It's more an update on Jonny Baby's life this past year. Cover your eyes if you're squeamish-

12 Sept 2003? It's been almost a year since I last posted something on this dusty chalkboard! Ah what the hell, life's short and time passes before your eyes like an insane Hungarian with his first set of wheels. Tough. Get used to it.

Right, I'd say it began when Jonathan got a PSC scholarship to go read Economics in the UK. And thus was written the first chapter in The Great Travails of The Intrepid Jonny Baby. Or The Bedtime Story Your Parents Threatened You With If You Didn't Just Shut Up And Go To Sleep.

Actually it all began much earlier, but no one likes a longwinded storyteller. Economics, you say with mild disbelief. Economics, having been a trip science student at JC. Yes, Economics.
You see, Jonathan had always been a very filial son. So when his mother said go do Medicine in NUS you lazy rat's ass he said ok, I'll go do Economics at the LSE.

And he did.

But before we get to that I should probably tell you about the amazing (you'll see why much later on in this story) Stephanie, that chick PSC hooked him up with so she could sell him books and other stuff. Of course, he never got to meet her till he got to London cos she was in Cambodia building houses for little-children-with-no-houses and rich-buggers-who-didn't-need-them-but-demanded-them-for-the-thrill-of-it. But then again, that's a different story. Shan't bother with that now.

So then he just up and left to start a new life, not unlike when the early settlers nobly floated onto Nanyang with no passports, no permission and no hope. Look how they turned out.

Within 2 weeks of arriving at the LSE, he somehow got thrust into the position of LSE Singapore Society President. How the hell that happened is like quantum physics. Or women. Essentially, something he'll never quite understand.
And then he became more familiar with chaps like Jiakai and Chih Yang. And he thought it was all going to be all right. Until they both found girls and he was left alone. Dammit.

Not to be outdone, he managed to seek solace in the comfort of the likes of Hazel and Xianna. But all that was only temporary. Oh, and he almost got together with this HK chick. But he soon realised even Scrubs and That 70s Show were far more interesting than her. Then again, so was watching grass grow.

During the reign of Jonathan the Wise, all was peaceful within the ranks of the LSESS. He presided with an iron fist and a level head. The iron fist cost 4.95 pounds at Sainsbury's; the level head was a birth defect.

Before he knew it, it was Easter. Yes, that time of year when industrious students everywhere prepare for the exams, in between searching for the giant bunny which gave them giant nightmares when they were children, for the mere purpose of beating it over the head repeatedly with a stick. These people who create myths and legends for children should really think about writing some which aren't half-disturbing. Gigantic bunnies that go around hiding eggs. Fat blokes who heave and wheeze down chimneys just to surreptitiously plant oversized presents in tiny socks. Minuscule (and possibly frightening) beings which for some twisted reason offer cold, hard cash in exchange for smelly oral extracts. Go figure.
Still, our Jonathan managed to find the time of day to take a one-week vacation to Berlin while everyone else was swotting away.

One year's time at the LSE culminated in the final-year exams for him. But like every good student who's done all his work and amply prepared himself, Jonathan was shitting bricks at the end of the Easter holidays. So who should he turn to for help but the only person he knew was reliable enough, work-wise. The amazing (we promised to spill) Stephanie who, after he'd learnt had got four firsts and an illogically high average of 91 in her first year, he'd been in awe of all year and who he'd set as his benchmark.

So with the new-found confidence he'd been instilled with, he bravely strutted forth with the sort of confidence that'd have made a peacock blush. And he came out about as delighted as a death-row inmate.
But for some strange reason he managed to get 4 firsts and a now logically attainable average of 91. The powers that be (i.e. LSE markers) work in very strange ways.

Oh, and after the exams he decided to perpetuate his hedonistic ways, and what better way than to take a 15-day Italian sojourn?
Satisfied with his time on the European continent, he decided to return home (to the relief of the Europeans and chagrin of the Singaporeans) just in time to send his sister Veronica off to cold and bitter Australia. Pretty much like in the old days, when naughty little men who didn't behave themselves were sent Down Under. Some actually came back.

So he divested his attention to the cute freshers. And by cute I mean the girls. I hope. (His lack of a girlfriend has troubled many for years, you see. He claims vehemently he's all man. But you can never be too sure with people these days.)

And thus concluded the first year at the LSE for the wonderful Jonny Baby. Stay tuned for updates.